Write On Wednesdays Exercise - A Great One Liner... This week you need to come up with one good line to describe a part of your day. It can be 'real life' or fiction. But it must tell us 'who did what'. It has to be an amazing line, like a tiny little paper plane that must travel a big distance (figuratively speaking) with only a few folds ... Every word in that line must earn its place, or be cut as excess baggage. Let's get thinking about each sentence as though every word counts, like working one group of muscles to show how much weight they can carry.
And here's my attempt...
Rachel wedged one of her glittered fingernails deep under another, managing to flick unsubstantial cake crumbs to her poodle, while telling me I’d lost my job.
7 comments:
That was a very humorous sentence, and I thought it was a great hook to some longer piece. I can easily imagine it being a longer work, and I am dying to know what will happen next! I couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor poodle though. What treatment that dog must get!
A very descriptive one liner!! I like the flikering of cake crumbs...Very humorous! I am anxious to find out about the whole story.
Hmm I dislike this Rachel person immensely hehehe.
Very good use of one sentence. It speaks volumes!
Nah, poodles aren't real dogs. More like overdeveloped rats. =P
As the others said, your one sentence contains a lot of information. I'm curious as to the relationship between the narrator and Rachel, though; she appears to be the narrator's boss, but "while telling me I'd lost my job" is an odd way to let someone go; I can't imagine my boss calling me into their office one day and saying "Rain, you've lost your job.". Still, the sentence leaves enough space for a long continuation and I can't help wondering why the narrator lost their job. =)
/ Rain
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
Rain - I didn't imagine Rachel literally said "You've lost your job." as dialogue. It's the narrator summing up her words, the crux of what they mean to the narrator, in a blunt and probably agitated way.
Perhaps she's not the boss? Maybe she's a competitive colleague with inside information that she's revelling in.
I don't why the narrator lost his/her job... :)
Oh, that would make sense. I don't know why I interpreted that phrase as being Rachel's exact words. Sorry about that. =)
Whatever the relationship between Rachel and the narrator, I dislike Rachel. I don't really care if the narrator did something awful and actually deserves to be fired, haha.
/ Rain
Rachel is instantly awful, great one liner.
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